Heavy heart.

My heart was heavy this morning.

I set out to finish working on my Inspired Paper collection (all kinds of paper goodness complete with beautiful scripture passages.)

And yet, I found myself completely overwhelmed when it came to the specific task at hand this morning. Design a sympathy card. Feel the weight of that task. Design something that's entire purpose is to encourage and comfort a person in pain. How do you effectively do that through paper & ink?

So, in need of inspiration I pulled out two boxes of cards that I have kept for almost 4 years now. When Aaden died, the daily trip to the mailbox was just about all that kept me going some days. From first hand experience, cards, letters, sweet notes of encouragement, and prayers of healing mean so much more than you could ever know.

I read through card after card this morning weeping at such a great loss.

I begged the Lord for encouragement in His Word and He led me to Psalm 55:22, 'Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.'

Thank you Lord for your gracious provision and power that sustains.


And just minutes ago my husband brought to my attention that an amazing couple that we have been praying miracles for are now facing the worst possible result. My heart is aching for them... aching for her. Such a great loss. All the while, we are still praying for a miracle in her body.

While Aaron was reading me the update, my heart was repeating, 'May You be glorified, may You be glorified...' And again I sought the Lord. I begged Him for answers. Such pain is too much to fathom.

He brought me to Psalm 95.


Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;
    let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
    let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
For the Lord is a great God,
    and a great King above all gods.  
 In his hand are the depths of the earth;
    the heights of the mountains are his also.
The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land.

Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
    let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!

A sweet and tender reminder from the Lord that we are to praise Him and trust that 'In His hand' are all things. He is in control. He is faithful. And we praise Him.

...

Our prayers are with the Hurst family. We pray for hearts to be held by a God who knows deeply the pain of a loss so great. We pray for miraculous physical healing for Angie. We pray that you would hold Thomas as he leads his wife and children through such tragedy. We pray for their sweet boys, that You would keep their hearts tender toward You protecting them from fear, anger or bitterness. We pray that friends and family would surround them with comfort, encouragement and willingness to walk through the lifetime of healing to come.

God. Is. Faithful.

Our life took a little turn a little over a month ago and since then I don't think my feet have hit the ground. My desire and prayer was that God would provide the strength and energy we needed, that we would continue to serve Him with joy and bring glory to His name. And of course He did just that. He is faithful to provide the strength we need to keep moving. So, although it has been a whirlwind we are transitioning and transitioning well.

Yesterday at church we were learning from Isaiah 42 and God spoke very clearly to me through these two specific verses:

“I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you;
I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind,
to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness."*


What you see here is God, the Father speaking to God, the Son, Jesus. He is saying, 'don't worry, don't be afraid I am going to take care of You.' My husband spoke about how since Andrew, our oldest, was a baby he has always told him, 'when you are with daddy, you don't ever have to afraid...' and that is what we are seeing God, the Father say to His Son in this moment. 'I'm here, I have called You and You don't have to be afraid.' 

And yet, what does the Father say next? 'I will give you as a covenant for the people.' i.e. 'I am going to ask you to die for our creation so that they may be connected with me.'

God says He will keep us, that we can trust in Him and yet He never promises a life without trial or difficulty.

Our family has been through so much in the past few years and even in the past month it seems as though every day presents it's own mini-trial. i.e. yesterday it was a dead car battery, today it is a very leaking kitchen sink. Last week we had a follow-up ultrasound for our baby girl. The first ultrasound had shown some cyst-like spots on her brain and they wanted to recheck her heart also. So, our moment of rejoicing over the gift of this baby quickly turned into a petition for her health. God is, moment by moment, reminding our family to put our trust in only Him. There is absolutely no security apart from Him.

God reminded me through the passage in Isaiah that He has promised to 'keep' me (and my family) and though that does not mean 'keep from struggles or pain' it does mean that His faithfulness will sustain us... no matter what we have to endure.

As someone who has suffered greatly and had significant worldly security stripped away, I can say with absolute assurance that God has kept me. I am safe in His arms and I don't have to be afraid.

P.S. Baby girl's second ultrasound showed a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby girl. But we welcome prayers for her healthy development!

*Emphasis added is mine.